Owning the Me-Time (aka Extreme Self-Care)

I first heard the term "self-care" from my sponsor. She was to leave town on vacay and upon her return I would start my 4th step inventory. I was also hired to house sit for her and take care of her dogs. She suggested that I spend the time learning about how to pamper myself- read good books from her library, listen to cds, spend time preparing fun meals, lounge around, play with the animals, take walks, use her row machine, soak in the hot tub. I was blessed to spend a solid week in her gorgeous home set far back on a plot of land with chickens and roaming deer. It was during that week that I learned how truly delicious self-care can really be. It turned out to be one of the most amazing weeks of my life and I pray never to forget the simple, decadent lessons that I learned there. When I returned home, I was determined to bring with me some of the rituals that I had established during my fabulous house sitting experience.

First, I moved my furniture around for more open space. In a fit of inspiration, I tossed out everything that felt cluttered and not in line with the real "me". I pulled out my forgotten boxes of dream catchers, pottery bowls, coloring books, crystals, candles, and incense. I went out and bought the most comfy, baby soft throw blanket that I could find. I splurged on -good- coffee. I dug out my old collection of cds and rifled through them, keeping out the truly inspiring, soothing, honey smooth female artists that I had once loved (Stevie Nicks, Nora Jones, Natalie Merchant, Annie Lennox, etc). I consolidated a box of my favorite epic films. I dusted off my favorite books & shelved them for easy access. 

All of these things I had once loved. Every single one of them had fallen to the wayside of my life as I spent my hours, days, months, weeks, years, -decades!- in a drunken, morbid, dank haze of alcohol and abject self pity. Now they were resurrected and infused with a new purpose. I adored it when I took the time to enjoy these repurposed things in my life.

I first read the term "extreme self-care" on a site called Hip Sobriety. From the time that it took my eyes to scan the words 'til the words registered in my mind, I had one of the most blinding "Aha" moments of my sober journey. I had used my self-care kit (burning candles, listening to Stevie, drinking the good coffee, journaling, coloring) only sporadically or when I felt like I had the time (aka rarely). Holly of Hip Sobriety suggested that I make a habit of using these things at the very times that I used to drink, weekends, or after work when I'd be most tempted to blow off steam with a bottle of booze. She suggested that it is during these times that I need extreme self-care. I realized that hell, I probably needed a little extreme self-care every day.

It freaking made sense to me. An alcoholic who has spent decades ruining her body and mind needs a regimen of extreme self-care, especially in early sobriety. I felt like I had been given permission to employ my wonderful care kit every day. Somehow Holly made it okay for me to enjoy that time daily as a necessary part of my sobriety. I didn't have to feel guilty. I was taking real steps to ensure my precious sobriety by incorporating me-time into every day. 

I immediately carved out an hour or two in my day for extreme self-care. What had seemed like an impossible luxury became a workable necessity because I made it so. It has been life altering and (so far) does wonders to keep me calm, content, and sober. I look forward to the time in my day when my work is done but my family is still an hour or so away from being home. I have shuffled my schedule as needed to make it possible. I brew a single cup of good coffee, take my vitamins, put on some soothing music, and I curl up on the couch with a good book or take a hot bath. Afterwards (when the coffee kicks in) I roll out my mat, light some incense & candles, and treat my body & mind to yoga. If I have time, I journal or read something online about sobriety & recovery. I snack on yummy cheeses and gourmet crackers. It all sounds frivolous for sure but it fills that need... that hole that I used to drown with copious amounts of alcohol.

What a beautiful addition to my life. Words fail, truly. I can't help but entertain the bittersweet notion that a self-care regimen could have helped me years ago, before my addictions had me completely buried under. It matters little now, however. I am simply blessed to have finally learned that me-time makes life a little better for everyone.