First Full Moon 2016

I'm taking the magickal aspects of the full moon to heart today. It has been years, perhaps decades, since I celebrated the full moon. There was a time in my life when full moon rituals were a big deal to me, but that time fell to the wayside as my addictions took over more and more of the Real Me. In years following, I began to think of my old moon rituals as decidedly too "witchy", possibly flirting with bad mojo. As my addictions came to control my life, I turned my thoughts to more Christian beliefs to save me from my dark fate. I admit that I had an ever narrowing view of my Creator, as my addictions boxed me into smaller and smaller mental walls. My God became a punisher and a tyrrant, and I believed that only the Man on the Cross could save my ruined soul. I went so far as to stop burning incense and my precious stones were wrapped in a soft sock, then stuffed in the very bottom of a box of momentos.

My Creator met me right where I was at last. My sobriety did come to me in the form of Christian beliefs- namely, the Holy Rosary. I have never been, nor am I, Catholic. But one evening after a particularly evil, seven day binge of pills and alcohol, I caught Mother Angelca on EWTN reciting the Rosary with the Poor Clare nuns of Irondale, Alabama. I will never be able to fully describe what happened to me that day. I don't think it would do any justice to really try. Just suffice to know that my Creator reached right through and lifted me up from the pit that day. It was the beginning of putting down the bottle.

For many months afterwards, I learned to recite the Rosary in full and the lovely, powerful prayer offers me comfort even still. I didn't own a set of rosary beads so I made my own from wooden beads, tiger's eye & hematite chip beads, a Carnelian palm stone, and a cross. I still sleep with those beads every night. I also visit a prayer center that is predominantly Catholic. I have no problems with the Christian religion, and I will even attend church services when I feel prompted. All that said, a few months into my sobriety my mind began to once again open to holistic ideas and more earthy expression. I began to understand through my search for spiritual direction that it is only natural and beneficial for me to include my belief in elemental energies and more ancient practices for my own, individual healing and wholeness. My way may seem muddled, with my feet in a whole host of conflicting spiritual modalities, but I feel that my journey requires an open mind and experimentation in order for me to mature. When I say that I love God, that I have given my life and my recovery to God, my mind conjures a whole host of Divinities and ways to express that submission. I am the girl who says the Rosary with the aid of a handmade, stone laden set of beads. I am the girl that visits a Catholic prayer center and searches for my spiritual direction by sitting outside, surrounded by Nature. I am the girl watching Joyce Meyer on tv while creating new yoga flows in my journal. I call my small Buddha statue the "Great I Am", a reference to Jesus Christ.  I am the girl attending an online conference this evening dedicated to the Hindu goddess Kali while lining up my schedule of Alcoholics Anonymous meetings for next week. And it all feels deeply as if I am doing exactly what I am supposed to be doing at this point in my life. What a wonderful, interesting, thought provoking life!

Tonight's delve into alternative spiritual modalities involves my crystals and the first full moon of 2016. Today I sat down and wrote out a long letter to my Creator, asking for my stones and crystals to be accepted and charged with healing and intuitive energy to benefit my life, my health, my home, and my family. I tied the rolled up letter with a strand of my hair, and I placed it in a clay bowl along with all of my stones and crystals. Then I placed the entire bowl, along with my raw onyx obelisk, outside to soak up the energies of the full moon and falling snow. I would have a difficult time describing how happy this simple makes me, or how "right" that it feels for me to do these things.

One of the most amazing benefits of sobriety is in the discovery of who I really Am inside, in my Soul, and bringing that real Me to the surface. The real Me inside has always gravitated toward these earthy and ancient rituals. As my mind begins to heal from decades of alcohol abuse, my real, intrinsic personality can come forth without worry of other's prejudices or preconceived notions about someone who would take their crystals out into the night for a full moon washing. As I become more secure in my own skin, I feel safe to explore what is right for me, for my life, my healing, my recovery, and my spirituality. And also to understand that everyone's journey is different and right for them.