Cough Up A Little Gratitude

It has been one of those weeks. My cold has progressed from aches, pains, and sneezes to full on zombie apocalypse. Ok, it isn't that bad... but what it is is boring, unproductive, listless, unmotivated, grouchy, and guilty. I haven't done many of the things this week that define my sobriety and define my new life- no meetings, my sponsor was also sick so no meeting with her, no yoga classes, no trips to the prayer center for spiritual direction, no good food choices, no trips to the gym. Just me and my couch, my tv, my internet, my books, and my cat. To be honest, the cat acts as if she isn't feeling all that great either.

My family seems to be immune to my noxious cloud of germs. They have breezed onward with their lives with little more than a pitying glance my way since Tuesday. Not that I blame them. Keeping distance from me right now is advisable; I'm toxic.

I think the reason that I am so out of sorts about this today is that I fully expected to be well. I said to myself on Tuesday "Ok, I'm getting sick. I'll take care of myself, hibernate a bit, and be back on my feet by Friday." I had it all planned out. Sure, I'd probably miss my weekly meetings but I had all weekend to go to great meetings. I could make up the missed time at the gym and also throw in at least two full yoga practices on my living room floor. Then I woke up this morning to a head full of mucous and the day greeted me with brrr worthy blasts of cold wind and rain.

Still, I did the shower and coffee thing before heading out to pay bills and get groceries.  Next thing I knew I was grumbling aloud about stupid people's reckless driving in the rain, resentfully forking over the cash for my sky-high power bill, and sneezing all over the frozen foods aisle. I dropped the milk on the wet asphalt and I almost drove off without getting my gas at another store. I was out of it. I just wanted to get back home and onto my couch. After lugging the wet bags in the house, I felt like I wanted to cry. I tried to eat some of the expensive food (have you SEEN the price of beef lately?) to satiate my pity party but it tasted bland and like cardboard. Depressing.

Finally, I remembered my sponsor saying that "it's never too late to start the day over." This is something that she has said several times, but I had yet to employ that simple tool. I sat and thought about it. How do you start your day over anyway? Well, I decided to take it literally. I went back to bed for a few minutes and meditated, just softly trying to count my breaths (between coughing jags). I took a hot shower and dressed in my softest yoga clothes. I drank a hot cup of coffee and had a little chicken broth. Then I rolled out my mat and proceeded with fifteen minutes of fairly easy yoga stretches. As I lay on my mat afterwards in the resting/meditation/corpse pose called Shavasana, I spent a little time being grateful for what I have.

-I'm sick but I'm sober.
-I have a family who loves me and they are -not- sick.
-It was a pain getting out in the rain but I have a car, gas, money to get food, and pay bills.
-I didn't go to face to face meetings this week but I attended a couple of online ones.
-I didn't go to the yoga studio but I have at least attempted a practice every sick day.
-I have nice, comfortable, clean clothes.
-I have a comfortable home to rest in and get well.
-I have clean, hot water to bathe in to loosen my chest congestion.
-I didn't go to the prayer center but I did watch some great spiritual tv programs and read about various modalities of spirituality online & in books.

When I rolled up my mat, I was still sick. But I do have a much better attitude about the whole thing. It's true; it's all about perception and a big dash of gratitude. I'm okay and I'll just have to continue to take care of myself, maybe stay inside a little longer than I had planned. No big deal... and now I'm off of here to make a big mug of hot cocoa with extra marshmallows.